Parenting When You're a Pervert ....

parenting is a joy, as all parents know - it's a headache, a pain in the neck, and the spine, and occasionally the genitals (they WILL run headfirst into ANYTHING). But there are also moments of joy, especially with two child aspie-s. (aspergers)

At Home, Morning

Daughter: "Daddy, I wanna go to the steak place with the clams."

Cassie: "I didn't know you liked clams, girlie?

Kenova: "I guess you could say she digs clams. She's a 'clam-digger'. "

Cassie: smacks Kenova

Cassie: "I'm glad you like clams, girlie. Seafood is good for you."

Kenova: "...yes. Yes it is. Just ask your Mommy. She knows alllll about clams."

Cassie: smacks Kenova

At Outback Later, clam chowder:

Daughter: "Daddy, where do they get the clams?"

Kenova: "In wet places. Clams need to be kept wet."

Daughter: "Then how do you dig for them?"

Kenova: "..."

Cassie: smacks Kenova

Later - Arriving at Reading Terminal Market

Cassie: clips the baby-leash...er...'tethered bookbag' to our toddler

Daughter: "Mommy, I wanna hold John's leash!"

Cassie: wince "Uhm...do you mean his lead, honey?"

Daughter: "That too! 'cause he's gonna be my little pet!"

Kenova: whispers "Phrasing. Boom."

Cassie: Smacks (poor, abused) Kenova

Cassie: "Let's not today, honey...maybe tomorrow."

Daughter: "Mom, can I go out with Sophia later then? Or Sophie B?"

Kenova: "...when you're sixteen."

Cassie: smacks poor, abused, delicate Kenova

Cassie: "I'll call Sophia and Sophie's moms, girlie."

At Reading Terminal Market:

Daughter: "Mommy, look at the size of that bologna!"

Kenova: whispers "...she's seen bigger today."

Cassie: smacks Kenova

Cassie: "That's nice, girlie."

Ten thousand times a day...it takes superhuman parenting skills not to crack these jokes, people. Seriously. I keep it down to one out of ten, and just whisper the rest to myself and pray Cassie can't hear.

The joy of an Aspie child is that they're very literal. most of what you say goes over their head if you deadpan it. Of course, someday she's going to be old enough to catch some of the things I say...

And then, my friends...

I'm pretty sure I'll be going to hell.

Kenova