Begin any paddling session with a bare hand (or softer toy) warm-up.   Unless you are playing with (or are yourself) a heavy masochist, the bottom will appreciate the warm-up, and you’ll enjoy the time getting intimate and familiar with their anatomy.  Safe Word, Safe Word, Safe Word.    When you’ve played with someone for years, you can play without some kind of safe word they can use to tell you to stop.   It’s your job to judge their feedback to know how fast or slow to go

Knife Play – What should you pack (other than the knives)?  These days, everyone’s got their little kits and their little toy bags – and believe it or not, that’s a good thing.   You can pick up a toiletry or makeup box at any Walmart or Target for less than $10, and have everything you need for an entire fetish ready to go to town.   But while you’re packing the toys, don’t forget a few others things for your knife play…   Rubbing Alcohol This should be a no brainer, but the

Today’s rant is brought to you by the letters E, and R.   No, seriously.   E, and R.   Like, the place your partner goes if you have nothing but band aids and booboo cream rattling around in your toy bag. Between the job (law enforcement) and teaching (unarmed defensive tactics, offensive blade combatives, bdsm knife play & rough body play) and playtime in our lifestyle, I keep seeing the oddest combinations of medical kits.    See, this just hit me, while I was vending not l

1. First Aid and CPR. At an event, at the very least, the DM and host should know basic first aid and CPR. (Most of them won’t, be aware.) If you intend to be a worthwhile Dominant, then YOU should know it too. And by “basic”, I don’t mean “we can haz bandajez?”. And by “know it”, I mean you should be an American Red Cross (or military/LEO, or similar organization) certified practitioner. As a former instructor (and once upon a time, a first responder) please believe me – the

AKA The Difference between Safety and Stalking. Lots of questions, intelligent ones, about my previous pieces on vetting, “How Does Vetting Work, AKA How Cyber-Stalking Saved Your Life”.   And please, for the love of Pete, keep asking the questions.  I love intelligent questions, even if they disagree with my stance.  It shows that there are people out there thinking, considering, and growing, rather than just flaming.   (I get flames too, and I’m not nearly as delicious as a

We're writing this one, because we just feel that they don't get enough love. Things for busting on boy bits, anyway. Good tips and tools for CBT to remember: Long canes are a BAD idea. Seriously. No fine control. Short range Whips require a lot of practice. We've known a few Pro Dommes who learned by practicing with oranges and apples. There's nothing so terrifying as a whip cracking a few inches from your manhood. Just be sure to keep it from getting too close - the air dis

(or how Cyber-Stalking Saved your Life) Today’s rant is brought to you by the folks who have emailed me asking me how vetting works, and how they can start vetting play partners and other groups.    When I first wrote about Vetting, I assumed that it was common sense.   I ranted blindly (or without my contacts on, anyway) about how everyone should be Vetting their partners, parties, and penis-pin-cushions.    It flew over my (surprisingly tall) head that I once had to be taug

"Vetting: The process, within underground communities, of verifying information about a person through trusted impartial sources. Verified information should (at least) include the person’s experiences, sanity, penis size, STD status, attendance of claimed events, status of vaginal barbering, reputation for outing others, observations of actual skill levels, drama-rating (on a scale of 1 to HELLsNO), breakfast preferences, and humorous anecdotes. " Cassie received a message t

(The ORIGINAL, over 500k likes/loves on blogger, over 30k on K&P, Stolen Shamelessly from Kenova's Member's Only Blog) The best way I’ve heard submission described was at M/s conference in 08. Submission is not following your Master. It is preceding him, clearing the path, and reporting back to him on any pitfalls or problems you see ahead. It is trusting him, to guide and navigate, to keep you safe. The most common way I’ve heard Dominance described uses words that I wouldn’