The key to bringing any kink into vanilla life lies in three essential elements: Consent, Constraint, and Complications. First, remember that people around you haven't consented to participate in your scene or play. Even when you're incorporating kink into your daily lifestyle, others haven't agreed to take part. So indulge your kink and its sensations without creating "splash" that forces others to participate. You might not think wearing a dog collar in public is a big deal

When buying a cane, it's important to know not only what size you want, but what you want to be made out of.  Getting a cane based on looks generally means adding something useless to your credit card bill. As a beginner, there's no point shelling out $80 to $100 for an exotic wood rattan cane (purple heart, zebra wood, paduak), when you're going to have to replace the rattan rod part in 6 months and have neither the skill nor tools to do it.  As an experienced masochist, a b

30" or leg length is good for... Caning Full, Voluptuous Bottoms Feeling "Like A Boss".   Caning someone who is bound to a caning stand or bench. Making you feel like the Authority on Discipline while stalking around waving it threateningly at your prey.   Full open swings across the body Looking sexy in photography pieces Long straight marks across the round bits Leaving marks like no rattan or rod ever will Striking the fronts of both calves, or both thighs, while the sub i

Begin any paddling session with a bare hand (or softer toy) warm-up.   Unless you are playing with (or are yourself) a heavy masochist, the bottom will appreciate the warm-up, and you’ll enjoy the time getting intimate and familiar with their anatomy.  Safe Word, Safe Word, Safe Word.    When you’ve played with someone for years, you can play without some kind of safe word they can use to tell you to stop.   It’s your job to judge their feedback to know how fast or slow to go

Knife Play – What should you pack (other than the knives)?  These days, everyone’s got their little kits and their little toy bags – and believe it or not, that’s a good thing.   You can pick up a toiletry or makeup box at any Walmart or Target for less than $10, and have everything you need for an entire fetish ready to go to town.   But while you’re packing the toys, don’t forget a few others things for your knife play…   Rubbing Alcohol This should be a no brainer, but the

Amish Paradise, yo.   In all seriousness, someone asked me on my blog what I think the most important thing is for a new Dominant.    Having written a “newbie Dominant” post a few months ago, I considered just sending back an email with a link, but that seemed disrespectful. The man took the time to ask me a genuine question – I owe him an authentic (if not as witty as usual) answer.  Should I tell him to invest in rope?   Find a good local mentor?   Only use water-based lub

AKA – No, You Are Not Lord High Master Sparkly Britches I’m sorry.   This one has been coming for a while, and I keep taking it down to tame it.   To clean it up.   To get some of the ranty taste out of it.  Because I don’t want this to be a curse-filled rant (which it was), ripping new people a new orifice (which it did) for not knowing any better (which they don’t – mostly.) But seriously?    A 21-year-old who identifies as a Master, and identifies himself  as Master <NAME>

We're writing this one, because we just feel that they don't get enough love. Things for busting on boy bits, anyway. Good tips and tools for CBT to remember: Long canes are a BAD idea. Seriously. No fine control. Short range Whips require a lot of practice. We've known a few Pro Dommes who learned by practicing with oranges and apples. There's nothing so terrifying as a whip cracking a few inches from your manhood. Just be sure to keep it from getting too close - the air dis